


Ballads of Oz

by trillingstar



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Community: oz_wishing_well, Drabble, Fun, Gen, Limericks, Mixed Bag, Not Canon Compliant, Nursery Rhymes, Remixed, Shakespearean Sonnets, Summer of Oz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-14 12:57:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4565496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trillingstar/pseuds/trillingstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mixed bag of Oz-inspired limericks, nursery rhymes, drabble, and a sonnet. All for fun. No srs bsns literature to be found here.<br/>A couple AU-ish, but mostly pretty canon! Vern, Kenny, Toby, Chris, Hoyt, Adebisi, Ryan, Sr Pete, Stanislofsky, Claire. Not all together. ;)<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Limericks

**Author's Note:**

> Best read chapter by chapter instead of all in one gulp, in my opinion.  
> 

There was a young lawyer named Beecher,  
Who fell head over heels for a teacher.  
His ex-boyfriend got mad  
And told Beecher's dad,  
So the poor lawyer never did get to breech her!

* 

There once was an inmate named Chris  
Who proudly on cue took a piss  
He stood in the corner  
Like Little Jack Horner  
And filled up a bucket -- ahhh, bliss!

*

Jaz Hoyt may have been a poor speller,  
He might've fucked up his life rather stellar,  
But one thing was known:  
That was how big he'd grown --  
If his dick was a book, it'd be a best-seller!

*

Adebisi's knit hat defies gravity,  
On his head there's no apparent concavity  
But the secret is simple,  
It's his own take on a wimple,  
Only it covers just hair and not depravity!

*

Lord O'Reily found out he had cancer,  
What kind? He did not like the answer.  
After spending time with his doctor;  
He tried out some moves, but they shocked her,  
Oh well, he was still a great dancer!

*

Though at birth the boy's name was Kenny,  
He hated it, and tried to convince many  
Who'd listen that his true name was Bricks,  
And that he'd kill for some kicks,  
Pick one: sneakers; presumed guilt; he'd take any!

*

The nun Sister Pete served God,  
But Dr. Reimondo had train'd to know fraud.  
When Chris Keller's sins of lust he saith,  
Peter Marie had a crisis of faith.  
Afterwards to Keller she never thawed!

*  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically nothing rhymes with faith.  
> 


	2. Limericks, Take Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now, two **BONUS** limericks by none other than our Summer of Oz hostess, [ozsaur](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozsaur)!  
> 

There once was an asshole named Vern,  
Whose soul was incredibly stern.  
He had all the power  
Whenever he showered;  
Your back you did not want to turn!

*

There once was a dumbass named Kenny,  
Who wasn't as bright as a penny.  
He picked on a Frenchman,  
With some of his henchmen --  
Who missed him? Not many.

*  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Preach, ozsaur!  
> 


	3. Nursery Rhyme Remix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit language warning.  
> 

Rub a dub dub,  
Three dinks in a tub,  
And who do you think they were?  
The hand of a banshee, the Russian gettin' lucky,  
And one rubber ducky,  
'Twas enough to make a person beware.

Rub a dub dub,  
Two dinks in a tub,  
And who do you think they be?  
One crispy-fried Russian,  
Who'd ignored potential repercussion,  
And one floating yellow toy with painted eyes that don't see.

Rub a dub dub,  
One dead dink in a tub,  
And who do you think was there?

Well, it wasn't the product of capital imperialism. 

That had to be placed on the top shelf of Claire's locker, and every time she looked at it, she had to seek out fucking Ryan O'Reily and use him over and over because knowing what those blank duck eyes had seen made her so horny. The thought that she'd been the last person to make that pathetic piece of shit Ruski fire his little pea shooter one last time... _jesus_ , that made her clit tingle. She thought about making a confession to that uptight slanty-eyed slip of a priest, let him tease it out of her, let him know that next time, Padre, it could be him. If that's what she wanted. Because what Claire wants and all that. Let O'Reily think this was some kind of favor to him, no skin off her tits. She'd just wanted to know what it felt like, and now she knows her real power, now, she's invincible.

*  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried REALLY HARD to get something going with 'rubber ducky' and 'fuckee' in a limerick but instead this happened.  
> 


	4. Ass of Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And finally, a sonnet that is actually nothing like a true sonnet. Thanks, Mister Shakespeare.  
> 

Shall I compare thee to a summer's gay?  
Thine ass-ets are more curvaceous and more biteable.  
Rough prison-issue cloth does not well caress it, I say;  
Easily remedied by my teeth clasped 'round your zipper -- just one good pull --  
Sometime too hot the circle of hack's flashlight shines,  
And often is our coitus interrupt'd;  
And every time my only wish is to stay intertwined,  
By chance, the batteries die, or evening rounds forget'd,  
But thy eternal perfect firm globes shall not be ignored,  
Nor lose their shot at my tongue betwixt them, no --  
Nor shall the call of count deter my passion, hard as a board.  
When in our throes of ecstasy your eyelids dip low,  
So long as your pleasure is mine, and mine yours,  
So long lives my love for your buttocks; I'm always wanting more.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From ~~fandom~~ Toby, with love  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Summer of Oz](http://oz-wishing-well.livejournal.com/57225.html) '15.  
> 


End file.
